Jun7

THIS morning, RIGHT now June 7th, 2015

 

I always wonder. Never really questioning, but wondering. But always challenging myself to think! People don’t really prefer that I challenge them to think outside the realms of their daily lives, but I do. I wouldn’t be Sherrie if I didn’t. Having the right words is key! But sometimes not the right key lol. I need the Holy Spirit to guide me!

I am always making myself available to be in the lives of those I love. And I love a lot of people! When I extend invitations I try to make sure that EVERYONE is included. I want to give of myself, so I don’t complain about it. This is not to say that I don’t feel a bit disappointed or sometimes perplexed when the love isn’t reciprocated or maybe the invitations go unnoticed. I use to be REALLY GOOD AT ROLLING MYSELF INTO A LITTLE BALL AND KEEPING TO MYSELF! That life isn’t for anyone!

I feel like I am rambling, but trying to get out what I feel and just MOVE from it. Learning that my emotions don’t control me has been pivotal for my life!!!!! So I have the emotions and move forward. Never pretending like I didn’t have the emotion, but just choosing not to linger in those feelings. I try my best not to keep a record of the wrongdoings done against me because I understand that that’s not TRUE LOVE! What Abba is interested in seeing me do is sharing with the hungry, making the homeless feel at home, giving clothes to those who have none, BEING AVAILABLE TO MY OWN FAMILY! This behavior will pave my way. (*ISAIAH 58:6-9) So I get that lingering in raw emotions is not productive and I am not instructed to do such. I love that Abba gives me explicit instructions on how to navigate my feelings.

I guess, I should keep giving! I know that I am NEVER TO GIVE TO THE POINT WHERE IT PUTS ME AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PIT! The Holy Spirit has told me that several years ago. But I AM SUPPOSE TO FORGIVE, OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Quite honestly, I don’t think I will ever struggle with forgiveness again. Thank you Father for showing me how to forgive and the reasons why I need not drag my feet in that process.

It just would be special if those I love dearly would give of themselves regularly too. In no way do I expect for people to do what I do because I do understand that people give and receive love differently. But we should do it often. I am reminded that if one doesn’t really authentically know Christ, then they can’t REALLY KNOW LOVE. It’ll be like, give me, give me, give me, I’ll take it, take it, take it. An unhealthy balance.

So I will keep on giving thus loving. Hoping that the Christ-like love is duplicated.

 

Always loving,

Sherrie Yvette Wilkins

Always loving

Always loving

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Jun6

June 6, 2015 11:32am -RIGHT NOW

Today my brain was scattered. I paid 150 dollars for a leotard and Tshirt for my little gymnast just a few months back and today I lost the custom Tshirt walking through the mall and I didn’t find it. Ugh!
Then we went to eat and I walked right out of the restaurant with my purse hanging on the back of the chair! I am thankful for the little lady who ran out and shouted, “Ma’am,” dangling my old, over stuffed Coach bag that my Dad gave me for my birthday several years back (I keep things in rotation for sentimental value not what’s in style).  I appreciate those people who stopped their cars and waited for me to run across the street aimlessly back and forth to get my purse.

I’ve been trying my best to listen and sort out what I feel. The truth is that fear has tried to creep it’s way back into my life. I know that fear is the opposite of faith.

FEAR- expecting negative things to come to past.

FAITH- expecting positive things to come to past.

So I know that it tries to mimic faith! FAITH over FEAR!

 

I’ve been having these pains in my pelvic area for the past 2 weeks now.  I’ve experienced such before, but not as intense and had ultrasound only to discovered 2 decent sized ovarian cyst.  I obsessed over it for a few but, then decided to do what was necessary to receive my healing. I prayed, was very careful about what I put into my body, drank prescribed herbal teas and believe it or not I went for an ultra sound 3 months later and they were GONE.  There was NO SIGN OF THE CYST!  So now I am thinking, “WHAT NOW!”  I can’t help but feel that this would specifically be an attack of the enemy trying to breed fear in my life at a time where The Lord has already declared, “I am about to CHANGE YOUR LIFE!”

So I know that I need to be more diligent.  Not just watching what I put into my body, but really realizing what this is.  This is a spiritual battle. The enemy wants me down and out, hurt and depressed, confused and stifling my gifts.  I can’t allow that to happen. I know the plans The Lord has for me.

I will CHANGE MY MIND! THE VICTORY IS ALREADY MINE! I WILL KEEP MY PEACE OF MIND.

CONFESSIONS:

“Faith filled words will put you over.” “Fear filled words will defeat you!”

“I am far from oppression, fear does not come nigh me (Isaiah 54:14)”

“I take the shield of of faith and I quench every fiery dart that the wicked one brings against me (Ephesians 6:16).”

“I am submitted to God and the devil flees from me because I resist him in the name of Jesus (James 4:7).”

 

*MY HUSBAND HAS SEEN ME HAVING A DIFFICULT TIME. HE NORMALLY CARRYS THIS LITTLE DEVOTIONAL BOOK THAT HIS FATHER GAVE HIM  (I am so thankful for his upbringing) AND HE HAS SHARED BITS AND PIECES WITH ME BECAUSE HE SAYS I NEED TO STAY CONSISTENT IN MY THOUGHT PROCESS AND HE’S RIGHT. I WOKE UP THE OTHER DAY AND SAW HIS WORN DEVOTIONAL AT MY BEDSIDE. *sign of relief* HE DOESN’T TRY TO FIX ALL OF MY PROBLEMS INSTEAD HE LEADS ME TO OUR FATHER. THE NAME OF THE DEVOTIONAL IS “God’s Creative Power” by Charles Capp. It literally fits in your pocket!

 

 

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Jun5

June 4, 2015- Currently

Connecting with people is very important. I know we thrive off the relationships in our life. Well… I do, especially my husband and my little Pancake!

 

One thing I know is that I didn’t know how to love. Sometimes I forget what to do to show love. Often times I get overwhelmed with life and become at fault for acting before thinking.  My gosh, Abba I thank you for always loving me. The kind of love you show me is what allows me to not QUIT or GIVE UP on LOVE; loving others, receiving love and seeking LOVE from you, the ultimate, lover first.

Being in your bosom has shown me how to love. I know I have a lot to learn and navigate through as my relationships grow and change. But, I want to love like you love. So just as long as I strive for that type of love I know I’ll be in the right direction.

 

Father:

Narrow my path. Make it straight. I want to love like you.

 

Your Girl,

Sherrie Yvette….

 

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Jun4

June 3, 2015- Presently

Feeling like you’re inside a plastered, prepackaged skin to mask emotions is no fun. The funny thing is that I don’t know why I get this way sometimes. I can only chalk it up to being fearful and anxious which are two emotional responses that I try not to experience often. I have NEVER felt so unsettled during a fast before! It’s driving me into emotional schizophrenia.  It’s a place I don’t wish to linger.

I felt so guilty today for wanting to just pick up Lani from the gym and wanting to just stay home instead of going to church. I just feel like my body needs me to REST.  The perfectionist in me that I have been trying to rid myself of just wants to do everything right. So much so sometimes that I turn into a procrastinator. Finding balance is key. So it’s the reason why I decided to stay home and as I drove to pick her up I starting beating myself up saying, “You can just GO!” Then I just felt that I needed to pray to stop the high pitched salesman in my head trying to convince me to do SOMETHING….

For a moment, as I prayed, I worried that people driving down 295 South around me would glance over and think I was insane. But, what did it matter because I felt like I was in a state of emotional schizophrenia anyway.

I had my teeth clenched, and I just told God that I didn’t want to pray to Him with any THUS or THOUs today. I needed to talk to Him in plain terms. I LET IT ALLLLLLLLL OUT! I shouldn’t be worried about getting to the CHURCH physically, but instead be more concerned with being in direct relationship with Him. After all the church is full of people just like me who are desperately seeking God. I don’t need to be so religious. It really felt good to not pray for show so to speak. To talk to God in my true tone and let the emotion all out and really feel that communion with Him. When I tried to say, “God you know what I’m feeling, you know what I want!!!” He wouldn’t allow me to leave it there. I am so thankful that He forced me to come out of the moment to reveal what I really wanted because it’s like I’ve been afraid to speak it aloud. But once I was able to get it out, “Lord I just want to be a stay at home mom who operates in her calling. I know you give hope Lord, but I know you want me to spread the message of HOPE and the power of active FAITH! Lord I just want to have his babies and  speak motivationally to the masses!”

It was like when I was done He was like, “there, there, want you want is in My will.”  I know that the enemy would have me stuck, spinning in my emotions and skewed understudying. But I’m not about that life. Sherrie knows that she can’t control her emotions. She knows that it’s ok to have the emotions but, it’s not ok to allow her emotions to control her.

When I was done praying I remember seeing the tears stream down my face slowly and feeling relieved and thankful for my relationship with Abba.  To bring me out of fear and FAKE modes of coping right into reality to confirm His will and plans for my life.

So Abba I thank you for being constant and allowing me to have my emotions without YOU feeling like I AM ATTACKING YOU! You are the only one who allows me to do such!

I will FOCUS on what you have already spoken. I will NOT be controlled by my emotions. I WILL remember that YOU are the only perfect being. I UNDERSTAND that it’s ok for me to CRUMBLE because you BUILD me back up. Please know that I will not linger here. I know what you have assigned me to do…

FOR THE KINGDOM! 

 

 

*PLEASE NOTE THAT I AM NOT SAYING THAT ATTENDING CHURCH IS NOT IMPORTANT. EVERYONE SHOULD ATTEND AND BE AN ACTIVE MEMBER OF A BIBLE TEACHING CHURCH REGULARLY.

 

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May29

May 13th 2015- My prayer

SOMETIMES I WRITE OUT MY PRAYERS. IT’S SOMETHING I HAVE DONE FOR YEARS AND I AM GLAD THAT I HAVE DONE THIS BECAUSE IT ALLOWS ME TO SEE HOW MUCH GOD REALLY LISTENS TO ME AND FAITHFULLY ANSWERS MY PRAYERS. I SHARE THIS WITH YOU TONIGHT WITH HOPES THAT YOU WILL BEGIN TO DO THE SAME!

 

 

Lord you said this Morning that I am empowered by you to prosper. I need you to enable me! Reveal to me the things that seem hidden. I know Abba, that you’ll never leave or forsake me.

But give me words to speak; to impact the masses.

Guide my steps in the name of Jesus.

Unleash the limit of time Lord, tell me when it’s right to proceed with your plan (The time is NOW I’m reminded of that word He gave me).

I don’t want delayed responses to what you’ve asked me to so dear Lord, enable me to move swiftly with precision and accuracy so that you get the glory!

YOU are the only being I want to enable me. No one else has you power!

♥️your daughter, Sherrie

 

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May12

3 for 1- Three separate Journal entries from 2013. They each reveal a NEW truth.

Circa May 16th 2013

I’ve given sex ore than half of my life to be, get love. Experiencing Jesus and accepting him as my lover these past 3 years has been beyond words. Now having one of God’s sons in the flesh love me without giving anything other than what God would have me present is beyond words as well. I am thankful for such a blessing, man of HONOR. I’m worth such, I deserve such!
~Sherrie Yvette

Circa 2013
“Your love never fails, it never gives up. it never runs out on me.”

I’ve been renewed. I receive the word that went forth that ministered to my soul, “On then night of your wedding you’ll have something to give!” You’re purity is intact, Sherrie. There was an exchange! Salvation is yours. Nothing you can do, have done, will do, it’s yours. Your past is not your future! You deserve Alan! Your experiences are different by your purity matches his. Your repentance was heard. The fruit of you walk with Christ is healthy and seen. Christ sees! Purity is mine. No more shame. I don’t have to:
Be ashamed of past sin.
Be ashamed of past sexual abuse.
Question my purity.
Feel less (be whole you are it)
Lead with your body, looks, beauty (God will increase you).
Connect sensually to show love or be loved (let love unfold at Godspeed. God has no concept of time. His will be done)
Compare

YOU MUST:
*Renew your mind to maintain your purity and integrity.
*Fast and Pray

Explicit Lyrics ~I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine! ~Song of Solomon

Circa May 2013

Reflection after reading, Debi Pearl’s page 111 Preparing for Helpmeet

….Previously I was a #GRABBER! If I saw someone I wanted for whatever reason, whether it was good for him or he was good for me I’d “GRAB” by any means necessary! I had everything to do so… face, body, sexual knowledge and that’s what I used to #entice such attention. IT WAS ALL I KNEW…. I can #imagine that having my body used at the mere age of 7 or 8 didn’t help my psyche much! So I USED what had been USED (that statement brings #tears to my eyes because I hurt, not for myself because I have been healed, I feel the pain of the #girls and #women still searching and needing to understand that they aren’t just used goods) and grabbed to GRAB! But I did lean that men won’t stay when you solely use your body to get their attention. So now, I tend to be a Princess who KNOWS all to well that she use to be a GRABBER! I am a Princess who knows that KING #JESUS did what was necessary for her to be forgiven….

For I am a #PRINCESS.

I should not just do what the #Holy Spirit advises against which is me leading with my #beauty/body. In any relationship within God’s will or plan, He has all things all things lined up. So I don’t have to lead with my body or anything else…. EVER!

The Holy Spirit will lead me!

I thank God for a new PSYCHE for a renewed mind. I thank Him for transforming me, for helping me rid myself of my old twisted ways that were rooted in me from my #childhood experiences. I thank Him for showing me my worth. I thank him for blessing me continuously. I thank him for Alan, for a man with a longing to #love me, this woman, his future #wife as #Christ loves the church. Within such love I have closed doors on the past and stand firm with my head high understanding my value and worth can never be devalued by my past experiences!

 

*(Google the Explicit Lyrics message by John Gary it’s LIFE CHANGING)

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May10

Journal entry from January 13, 2014, but today is Mother’s Day 2015

After having my WORSE nightmare I woke up this morning and fell to my knees and sobbed, “Lord please send your angels to protect my baby girl please help me tear down generational curses bestowed upon me be torn do so that she doesn’t have to go through what I went through!” Then I cried, “Lord I’d GIVE MY LIFE!” Then immediately a sense of peace came because I was reminded that I’d already given my life the moment I decided to live for Christ and the old Sherrie with the ways left and shall never to return. The moment I was baptized I made that clear and my actions spoke! I gave life for AILANI FAITH! With Christ old things are new! I am forever grateful that for our King’s Divine Best Plan! I’ll forever live my life according to his word! He has known us even in our mother’s womb and says he knows the plans for us, plans to prosper us! I hear people say they’d die for their children, but refuse to dedicate life to Christ because they say they aren’t ready or its that one thing that they don’t want to give up and yet and still their children watch it and experience it even though they know its wrong.

DIE….I’d DIE AGAIN if I have to!

OUR CHILDREN’S LIVES DEPEND ON OUR DEATH TO BECOME MORE LIKE CHRIST!

Her first big laugh, lit up my world. I continue to die daily just to live according to God's will for our lives  to be able to laugh with her daily.

Her first big laugh, lit up my world. I continue to die daily just to live according to God’s will for our lives to be able to laugh with her daily.

Thank you Lord for making generational curses clear to me and my hearts speaks love now because I’ve been able to tear them down with your strength!

~ a poor sinner, just Sherrie

 

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Apr11

RIGHT NOW, 4-11-15

It’s National Poetry Month and I couldn’t be more thrilled. It’s an opportunity for me to share all of my heart, spirit and mind’s creations.  I have been stumbling upon so many poems that I didn’t even remembering writing and they are absolutely soothing to me and I pray for those who decide to read them.

This month, more than ever, I am being prompted to pray for what’s ahead for me.  God’s vision for me and my husband’s life is SO MUCH BIGGER THAN ME. I am scared and am literally brought to tears when I think of what He wants me to do next. But I am excited because I want to and at the same time scared because it’s new.  I do understand that God has NOT given me the spirit of fear and I possess the spirit of BOLDness to step out on faith and do everything that He has called me to do.

I’ll never forget when I was in worship at my church, Living Faith Christian Center and the Holy Spirit so clearly said, “Now is the time (trust that there was not mythical voice or thunder),” and I began to cry because it was as if He was saying honey I’m getting ready to give you what I WANT YOU TO HAVE and sweetie you deserve it!

Within months my first book, Selah, Stop and Think was released, my now husband enrolled us in premarital classes, I received a lump sum of money, then we got married and my little one has become more brilliant than she always been!

I am blessed.

I know I just need to simmer down and continue to live a fasted lifestyle as Pastor Connie has taught me. Do everything with fasting and prayer.

My next move is my BEST move because God is calling me to do it! The word tells me that everything He has planned for me is GOOD!

I’m going to keep saying that every time fear creeps in about what I am suppose to do…. “My next move is my BEST move because God is calling me to do it!”

 

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Mar11

Circa, June 20th 2014

Intimacy and affection can both be interpreted as ACTS!
Intimacy-sexual intercourse.
Affection-giving of ones self physically to show emotion.

Intimacy and Affection are more alike than different in my opinion. They could me used synonymously BUT affection comes as a result of being intimate with someone. Intimacy refers to being in close fellowship with someone. Comfortably being exposed and sharing details and requires trust to authentically be intimate. Which leads to affection, a FEELING of liking or closeness! Which can lead to the ACTS! Showing affection; physically showing emotion through hugs kisses touching looks etc. or being sexually intimate!

The order or manner in which we engage in being intimate or showing affection should be a very conscious one, deliberate NOT haphazard. The ACTS…. Should be as a result of non physically aspects of the two terms coming first but at the right time! God’s speed…..

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Feb25

Circa May 16th 2013

celibacy-3

I’ve given sex more than half of my life to be, get what I thought was love. Experiencing Jesus and accepting him as my LOVER these past 3 years has been beyond words. Now having one of God’s sons in the flesh love me without giving anything other than what God would have me present is beyond words as well. I am thankful for such a blessing, man of HONOR. I’m worth such, I deserve such!
~Sherrie Yvette

 

 

AFTERTHOUGHT:

(Let’s be  & Keep it Real here; we are more alike than we are different)

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